I have come to realize that I am in the midst of a psychotic breakdown.  The fact that I am aware of this gives me hope, because there must be some part of me that is still attached to reality.  Unfortunately, I am only aware of this in my lucid moments.  I am currently still in the middle of this waking nightmare and am in constant fear of when my next episode of insanity will take me over.  I am hoping the mere act of writing about what I am experiencing will help me in some way.