I have come to realize that I am in the midst of a psychotic breakdown.  The fact that I am aware of this gives me hope, because there must be some part of me that is still anchored to reality.  Unfortunately, I am only aware of this in my lucid moments.  I am currently in the midst of this waking nightmare, in constant fear of when the next episode of insanity will take me over.  I am hoping the mere act of writing about these dark, deep secrets will help.