This blog is a journal documenting an otherwise average forty-seven year old female’s decent into madness, which I believe was brought on by mindfulness and meditation.
On the evening of Thursday, May 11, 2017, I was having a conversation with my boyfriend when an inexplicable feeling of joy started rising inside me. I closed my eyes for a moment to relish the feeling, but instead of seeing the simple darkness of closed eyelids, I found myself staring straight into an eye that was not an eye, or perhaps it was a light that was not a light. Gripped in fear, I watched as whatever it was bore right through me with such intensity that every atom of my being instantly dissolved. Yet somehow I still was. The second I realized I still existed, I also understood what had just happened: I had looked straight into the eyes of pure Awareness itself, I had looked into the eyes of Truth, I had come face to face with God. The only reason I still existed was because looking at pure Truth doesn’t annihilate you, it only dissolves everything that is false in you so that all that remains is the true essence of who we all are: loving, peaceful, beautiful beings.
I was free, after nearly five decades of suffering I was finally free, all the false burdens of my life had been mercifully lifted from me. Joy, peace and love overtook me and I remained in a state of complete bliss for the next 48 hours, oblivious to the fact that this was just the beginning of my decent into hell.